Don’t

There was a phase of my life that I compared myself to a then friend. I felt so low about myself comparing myself to her. To only realize that I was actually doing ok, perhaps better.

As I grew older, my parents reminded me not to compare. Be it life, career, wealth or even relationships. We all grow up at a different pace. We mature differently. We start working at a different age too. Some have it easier if they had a lil help financially and so forth

Relationships ended because it needed too. Lessons from there should be a benchmark of what you want, don’t want and what you deserve. Those lessons you made should not be a punishment to yourself and your current partner.

I for one don’t like to compare or dig down those bad memories. What’s on my Social Media and what my life is all about can vary slightly. I don’t need everyone to know.

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The Art of Balancing Life

I was in a conversation with my cousin in her kitchen in Dublin. The topic of conversation was stress, burnouts and balance.

The fine lines between the above said can be very blurry at times. I have gone through severe stress and got myself burnout. When I was much younger I did not know how to cope with stress that well. I would myself out till I crashed. It was a vicious cycle. Now that I’m much older, I am getting much better at it. Actually, there’s still room for improvement too.

The very next morning, I found out a dear friend had passed away at the age of 52. I was shocked and extremely saddened by it. I broke into tears and pulled the covers to continue crying. He was a good guy, he was always smiling. He had a lot of stories to share. He gave me relationship advises. Benchmarks for guys that I should date. He even warned a guy a dated before. We went on holidays together too.

Sadly I was not in town to attend his funeral. I feel he left us too soon. So sudden.

Which relates to the topic of balancing life. I should and must cherish my loved ones more. Spend more time with them. I should not be working around the clock. I need my balance. I deserve my balance. I should not feel guilty for taking time out for myself.

There’s only one of me, I matter.

Inalillah Eadrace Petra, you will be missed.

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The Missing 9

I lack the number 9 in my Chinese numerology. For that perhaps I will forever be this way.

No matter what I do. No matter how selfless I am. No matter how I care. No matter how I help. No matter how I sacrifice or even if I took a bullet for those I love, it will always be this.

At almost 33, I should be able to predict this already yes? I should already be used to this feeling. I should be so immune that anything said will not impact me an ounce.

Truth is no, it hurts like shit. It does. I am expected to be ok, that eventually, I will be.

I guess it is alright to assume of me. Because after all, I don’t care or have feelings and I don’t get tired. Correct?

So what was it you wanted at 0000 hours, oh to help type out a new size chart? Oh, you don’t feel like driving out far to get your things? Oh, you’re tired, I’m not? Oh, you are lonely and you think you aren’t pretty? You’re girl cheated, it’s alright, Kak Juwita is here for you.

I am at a point where I don’t even know what to say. Should I feel sorry for myself? Nah I am not deserving of it. So when I put on my facade and march on with my play pretend, it’s all good.

So now, I should just wipe these streaks of tears off my face, get into bed, set my alarm and get up early. Quotations, proposals, follow up calls and more to be done.

Why be bothered, cause just like the missing 9 since birth. Nothing will change.

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Mondayitis Wise Words

Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest and true. The simple things often mean the most to them. They don’t need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are.

– Unknown

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Let’s Talk About Love

What is love?

Love to me is a feeling, a feeling so great it consumes you. It makes you feel whole. It makes you feel loved and appreciated. It makes you want to be a better you.

 

Why chose love?

Why not? It makes you happy. The happiest happy. I won’t lie, not every day is sunshine and rainbows. I would be delusional to say that there won’t be bad days. But it is worth it with the right person. Love also triggers happiness and some good hormones.

 

Who deserves love?

My heart decides who is deserving of my love. What I see in that person might not be something the receiver or outsiders might realize. Because this connection is between you and I. All I know is you deserve my love despite how you think because you are worth it and you are human.

 

How to love?

There are many ways to love. It could be professing of love via words, action, affection and so forth. You could show love by being there for them, letting them know they are safe and you’ve got their back.

When to love?

There is never a right time to love because that’s just how life works. So if you have found someone you love. Just love them with all that you have.

Why do I choose to love?

I crave witty banters, serious conversations, random ramblings, affection, eye contact. A hand to hold through it all.

I believe there is no winning alone. Good things comes in a pair (ask them Chinese, they’d agree).

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Huat Ah!

To those celebrating Chinese New Year, have an awesome one.

Be safe on the roads. Win big this year.

I just got home from celebrating coffee with my favourite Haspy Gang! The Chinese fam bam that I love. Not many know this, but I know more Chinese traditions than some. Haha. Can’t wait to make my own Lou Sang for our get together.

For two days I have had a bad ass migraine. So I finally headed to AA to grab myself my meds. Got both the dosage and also a bottle of Arcalion. My aunt who has a severe migraine tried them and it worked. So wish me luck.

But tonight, I’m not sure if it was the caffeine intake that I was deprived of or the meds that cleared my migraine. Anyways, I’m gonna observe myself over the course of one week. If this works, I gotta take it religiously for 4 weeks tops and I’d be golden!

Wish me luck!

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