feelings – Page 8 – Juwita Jalil's

The fine lines between the above said can be very blurry at times. I have gone through severe stress and got myself burnout. When I was much younger I did not know how to cope with stress that well. I would myself out till I crashed. It was a vicious cycle. Now that I’m much older, I am getting much better at it. Actually, there’s still room for improvement too.

The very next morning, I found out a dear friend had passed away at the age of 52. I was shocked and extremely saddened by it. I broke into tears and pulled the covers to continue crying. He was a good guy, he was always smiling. He had a lot of stories to share. He gave me relationship advises. Benchmarks for guys that I should date. He even warned a guy a dated before. We went on holidays together too.

Sadly I was not in town to attend his funeral. I feel he left us too soon. So sudden.

Which relates to the topic of balancing life. I should and must cherish my loved ones more. Spend more time with them. I should not be working around the clock. I need my balance. I deserve my balance. I should not feel guilty for taking time out for myself.

There’s only one of me, I matter.

Inalillah Eadrace Petra, you will be missed.

Wise Words

Mondayitis Wise Words

23rd April 2018 No Comments

Wise Words

Mondayitis Wise Words

10th April 2018 No Comments

Yes, you are!

Life

The Missing 9

29th March 2018 No Comments

I lack the number 9 in my Chinese numerology. For that perhaps I will forever be this way.

No matter what I do. No matter how selfless I am. No matter how I care. No matter how I help. No matter how I sacrifice or even if I took a bullet for those I love, it will always be this.

At almost 33, I should be able to predict this already yes? I should already be used to this feeling. I should be so immune that anything said will not impact me an ounce.

Truth is no, it hurts like shit. It does. I am expected to be ok, that eventually, I will be.

I guess it is alright to assume of me. Because after all, I don’t care or have feelings and I don’t get tired. Correct?

So what was it you wanted at 0000 hours, oh to help type out a new size chart? Oh, you don’t feel like driving out far to get your things? Oh, you’re tired, I’m not? Oh, you are lonely and you think you aren’t pretty? You’re girl cheated, it’s alright, Kak Juwita is here for you.

I am at a point where I don’t even know what to say. Should I feel sorry for myself? Nah I am not deserving of it. So when I put on my facade and march on with my play pretend, it’s all good.

So now, I should just wipe these streaks of tears off my face, get into bed, set my alarm and get up early. Quotations, proposals, follow up calls and more to be done.

Why be bothered, cause just like the missing 9 since birth. Nothing will change.

Wise Words