Double 8

Tok, it is your birthday today. You would have been 88. It seems like only yesterday I was running about time in between my crazy schedule to sort out items for your small do.

I’ve missed you. Your wise words. Your scent. Your abrupt and unexpected brutal comments and advices. 

I’m grateful I had the chance to take care of you during your trying time. You’ve taught me to never be weak. Always stay strong. Fight till the end. 

If I could have just another day with you, I would take you out even if it was for work. Buy you rojak, I’ve stopped eating the rojak cause I miss you so much. 

Tok, sometimes when things are so bad in my life. I wish you could stroke my hair. It calms me down. Crazy enough sometimes I wish to be with you. 

I miss you Tok. Al-fatihah. 


Here is you and I on your 87th.  

Don’t Lie

I may not be that brave of a person to open up my heart to tell the truth but at least I don’t lie.
Many instances people dear to me lie to me. But in the end, the truth reveals itself to me. Only clouds the picture I have of you and makes me question your presence in my life.
Why must people I trust and care for lie to me? It hurts. Am I not worthy of truth or are you not worthy in my life?


I’ve come across many personal life experience where my intuition was right. Maybe they were a gentle warning to me. Some was a good sign and some was a bad sign.

2003, a particular name was always mentioned in the conversations between my ex and I. True enough, they dated behind my back.

I remember this particular one in July 2011, I was at the happiest peak of my life. It was definitely my best and worst year. I was truly content with everything I had, it was everything and more that I could have wished for.
In that month, I noticed some odd texting between this guy I was dating and someone. I kept mum despite noticing how inappropriate the time that the SMSs were received. I felt uneasy but I’m a firm believer of trust. I thought to myself if there was something, he would tell me.

A month down the road, we had the talk. He isn’t ready and doesn’t want anything serious. Was I right to assume the coincidence? I didn’t simply because I respect the person and the future situation.

But then months down the road, there was B&W prove of how chummy things got. Perhaps it did happen behind my back when I noticed the oddness. I should have trusted my instincts.

Sometimes the better side of me tells myself, always give the benefit of the doubt to the other person. Or maybe I think highly of someone I care and respect, that I give all my trust to them.

I’ve iced up again because I’m too scared and this applies to all aspects of my life; work, family, friends and heart.