If only you didn’t just walkaway from the better things in life. If only.
It is so easy to say. Easy to promise. So easy to judge. So easy to lie. It’s so easy to deny. It’s so easy to assume. But it’s never easy in that person’s shoes.
It’s past bedtime for many. I just got home. Called the cats in. As I settle in, I try to reflect and do some thinking. But my mind is having endless flashbacks. I can’t stop thinking about the past, you and us.
Maybe it meant nothing to you but it meant a lot to me. I remember our conversations and how we could easily talk about everything under the sun. From religion to life to relationship to politics to the future. We joked. We laughed. We had our misunderstandings. It was always a good time. You used to treat me so differently. You used to care. It has changed and it changed in front of my eye without you realizing it or so you claim.
I know I should stop caring, stop thinking and stop feeling. But I’m not you, you were never the one to fill my time.
Work has been stressful and tiring. The task I perform is straining my tiny self.
I push even harder when I feel tired.
My eyes are no longer as white as it used to be. My skin has gotten tanned. My face has a crazy outbreak from the dirty environment I work in. My hair no longer shines in it’s original black. Too much working in the sun has lighten it to dark brown.
I don’t recall the last time I woke up feeling completely rested. I can’t remember when I read a book.
Im so tired but I don’t have a choice. So I work endlessly.
My eyes haven’t stopped shading tears since 11 am.
I’ve never been this miserable and hurt this badly.
I can’t breath.
If this how my life is to be, please take me already.
I’m too weak. I can’t take this pain.
My life altering sacrifices means nothing to you or anybody.
So let me go, please.
Don’t take people for granted. No matter how much they love and care for you, people get tired eventually.
Nah, nothing alcohol related. However it’s purely on effort.
I always put other people’s well-being before mine. It’s an inherited characteristics from my late Ki.
However it’s not the greatest thing.
People are always taking advantage of it or more oftenly taking it for granted.
I wish they would stop for a minute and think about it or maybe stop focusing on themselves alone.
Maybe the contribution of others in your life might not be prominent to you but trust me, it makes the difference.
But in all honesty, most of my effort are gone to waste cause they are just so selfish.
Here’s a lil DIY that I did on my very limited free time. A jar light.
I’m trying to remind myself always to never let others diminish my inner light.