It Takes Time and Your All

To love is to open up yourself fully to someone. Your strength, your weaknesses, your fear, your hopes, your dreams are shared with another person. To give my heart away and trust that person to safeguard it like it’s his own is scary. To open up and lower down my guards has always been something I am reluctant off. I build the strongest and highest wall around myself. I am staunch, independent and chatty. These traits makes it easy to stay away from relationships.
I hate dating, it’s a waste of time. Investment of time and effort that leads to sweet nothings. If only people could be honest of what they want and what they feel, life would be much easier now wouldn’t it?
If I do fall for someone, I would fall hard. I would give my all. No games. Just pure honesty since day one. I am stingy when I am in a relationship, what is mine cannot be shared. I would try to make it known to that person and society that I am already off the market.
I don’t have many exes nor dated many. I have always been slightly reserved with my heart. I hangout with many band of boys, it’s something that I am used too. I have an extreme amount of male cousins compared to the only girl cousin.
Yes, I am very much tomboyish doing a male’s job as a career. I work around the clock. No breaks. I pay my own bills. But at the end of the day, I am a very sentimental, old-fashioned female. I would still want to lean on someone eventually. To seek refuge in his arms during my weakest. To share the happiest news with him first. To have someone so proud to call me his. To want to flaunt me to the world. To change my surname. To make it known that I am his.
I may be the most complicated person at times but that’s cost I don’t settle for less and I want the best in life for myself and my loved ones. I believe and know for a fact that I am an amazing person with a bag full of skills and talents.
Maybe I’m just rambling. Maybe I’m just feeling off. Maybe I just needed to write. I put words better on paper (type) than in general speech.
Have a great week ahead peeps!

I’m No Good

If I am only here to be blamed, accused, punched and belittled; why am I even here?
Is this what I was destined with? Why didn’t I just die as a baby when I had my bronchitis. Why didn’t you just end my life?
Consistently I get blamed for mistakes and situations that is beyond my control. Accused on doing things that I’m unaware of.
I don’t know what to do or what to say anymore. Every good damn good thing about me or I do goes unrecognized. I’m tired of trying to proof myself. I’m going to step back and shut the eff up.
If you are reading this The Al-Mighty, please I beg you to end me.
I’m no good. I’m of no good too. I need to stop being the source of pain to others.